Another slide in my Facebook dm's prompted this here topic. A young lady asked me when do you let the person you're seeing meet your child and of course as always there is no definitive answer to this I can only give my take.
First off my daughter is pure gold, I'm more likely to give you my social security number than I am to let you meet her. Most people who have met my daughter in my life thus far has because she had to be with me at that point, I had to bring her with me. The first thing, for me, is to have a list of do's and don't's (not a real list but I mean I have one) of things that can be done, heard or seen around your child. Most people think I am crazy for this but we live in a different world. Also this is pretty hard to do these days with a lot of children growing up in two different households but don't let that deter you.
Here's a sample of my don't's: no cursing, no worldly music, no sex talk, no drinking or smoking...stuff like that. Every time I tell someone about this little list of mine I usually get the response, "You can't guard her forever". I thank them for their uncanny observation and tell them I can while she is a child and while she is with me and that is what's important. Never let someone else dictate how you raise your child unless you think they are giving you positive help. If I feel like around my daughter you cannot watch your language then you won't meet her it's simple, no hard feelings but no. I make these determinations by seeing how most people are around other children and/or their own children. If you do x,y and z around that kid why would I think you will stop all of a sudden around mine? No' we're good.
That's just generally for everyone but then you begin dating someone. Naturally when you date someone and they really like you they want to meet your child. Remember that you have the right to tell them " Down Bessie". Yes some people will have a problem this and think "so I'm not good enough to meet your child?". Well I'm trying to figure that out plus I need to know if you are going to be around, what's your objective? People have crazy objectives out here. You would be completely surprised at some of the things that some women say to me daily. Like it's nuts. I never want to be someone who is always bringing and taking women out of my daughters life so if you meet her while we are dating you'd better buckle up.
Then there's dating people with other a child themselves. This one is tricky. Maybe they allow things around their kid that you don't. It's okay to tell them don't be afraid whether you think they'll judge you or you have to end things right there. You have to do what YOU feel is best for YOUR child. They'll try to hit you with everything, "So you think I am a bad parent?" is one of the one's I heard. That can come from someone you're dating or just a friend with a child. It's not that, it's I worked hard to keep x, y and z out of my child's life and I'm not just changing that because I like you. If you think it's worth pursing after maybe a few things don't match up then please go for it and maybe things will work out along the way. However don't be afraid to end things.
To the folks out there dating someone with a child here's my advice, don't pressure someone into letting you meet their child. It's not your decision and most times there's another parent that may be considered. It's not supposed to happen at your pace. Be patient or keep it moving, when the parent is ready then it will happen. Until then, enjoy the person that you are dating.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Monday, August 10, 2015
Readers Choice: Which was more difficult the PWI or the HBCU?
PWI vs HBCU. When I left Mount St Mary's I transferred to Bowie State and a popular question I always received was, "Which school is harder, the white one or the black one?". In a nutshell the PWI was more challenging and not for the reasons you may be thinking. I even asked other students who made the same transition and generally everyone agreed.
When I enrolled in Mount St Mary's University it was strictly for basketball, I never really considered the education. My first class was a statistic filled class with mostly freshmen and a little of everything else. We had an assignment the first day and let me tell you that I did not know anything at all. Not one thing. I stood up and left, class dropped, I had to pick that one up another day. This literally happened in every class, I did not know what was going on. My professors said I should have learned this in high school and I really didn't. That's where i think the difference is in the difficulty. White kids generally come to college better prepared. They learned most of this stuff in high school. Most black schools are behind academically. So when they're letting people in the have to be a little more lenient. They know we didn't learn as much so they are trying to help us and believe it or not most black students coming out of high school need that. It's not that we aren't as smart or are slower learners but you simply do not know what has not been taught to you.
I usually get criticism when I make this claim but a simple quick google search and look at statistics will show that test scores from schools that aren't predominantly white have much lower test scores. I also want to point out that sometimes some teachers can be too lenient at black schools. Here are a couple of examples.
My English courses weren't transferred when I got to Bowie so i tried a little protest by not taking the English 101 class they required me to take as A TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD MAN, if I didn't know college English by that point you shouldn't have let me in the school but let me not go back to that bad place. I willingly took a failing grade in that class and still got a 3.0 without buying any books. I made the deans list without studying outside of class.
You had some teachers at the PWI who would help you out but not enough to get you on the deans list. You had enough to maybe get you to a 2.0. My first GPA in college was a 1.8 and i promise you that I studied harder than I ever did in my life and the best I had ever did there was a 2.3 that I worked terribly hard for. The fact of the matter I wasn't prepared to be a college student at that point, over time I had people put around me that could show me the ropes and for me that's what it comes down to.
Statiscally speaking a PWI is full of college ready kids and an HBCU usually has all mostly black students, with the exception of a few and statistically speaking that means a college full of students who aren't ready for college so which one do you think would be "easier".
When I enrolled in Mount St Mary's University it was strictly for basketball, I never really considered the education. My first class was a statistic filled class with mostly freshmen and a little of everything else. We had an assignment the first day and let me tell you that I did not know anything at all. Not one thing. I stood up and left, class dropped, I had to pick that one up another day. This literally happened in every class, I did not know what was going on. My professors said I should have learned this in high school and I really didn't. That's where i think the difference is in the difficulty. White kids generally come to college better prepared. They learned most of this stuff in high school. Most black schools are behind academically. So when they're letting people in the have to be a little more lenient. They know we didn't learn as much so they are trying to help us and believe it or not most black students coming out of high school need that. It's not that we aren't as smart or are slower learners but you simply do not know what has not been taught to you.
I usually get criticism when I make this claim but a simple quick google search and look at statistics will show that test scores from schools that aren't predominantly white have much lower test scores. I also want to point out that sometimes some teachers can be too lenient at black schools. Here are a couple of examples.
My English courses weren't transferred when I got to Bowie so i tried a little protest by not taking the English 101 class they required me to take as A TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD MAN, if I didn't know college English by that point you shouldn't have let me in the school but let me not go back to that bad place. I willingly took a failing grade in that class and still got a 3.0 without buying any books. I made the deans list without studying outside of class.
You had some teachers at the PWI who would help you out but not enough to get you on the deans list. You had enough to maybe get you to a 2.0. My first GPA in college was a 1.8 and i promise you that I studied harder than I ever did in my life and the best I had ever did there was a 2.3 that I worked terribly hard for. The fact of the matter I wasn't prepared to be a college student at that point, over time I had people put around me that could show me the ropes and for me that's what it comes down to.
Statiscally speaking a PWI is full of college ready kids and an HBCU usually has all mostly black students, with the exception of a few and statistically speaking that means a college full of students who aren't ready for college so which one do you think would be "easier".
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