Another slide in my Facebook dm's prompted this here topic. A young lady asked me when do you let the person you're seeing meet your child and of course as always there is no definitive answer to this I can only give my take.
First off my daughter is pure gold, I'm more likely to give you my social security number than I am to let you meet her. Most people who have met my daughter in my life thus far has because she had to be with me at that point, I had to bring her with me. The first thing, for me, is to have a list of do's and don't's (not a real list but I mean I have one) of things that can be done, heard or seen around your child. Most people think I am crazy for this but we live in a different world. Also this is pretty hard to do these days with a lot of children growing up in two different households but don't let that deter you.
Here's a sample of my don't's: no cursing, no worldly music, no sex talk, no drinking or smoking...stuff like that. Every time I tell someone about this little list of mine I usually get the response, "You can't guard her forever". I thank them for their uncanny observation and tell them I can while she is a child and while she is with me and that is what's important. Never let someone else dictate how you raise your child unless you think they are giving you positive help. If I feel like around my daughter you cannot watch your language then you won't meet her it's simple, no hard feelings but no. I make these determinations by seeing how most people are around other children and/or their own children. If you do x,y and z around that kid why would I think you will stop all of a sudden around mine? No' we're good.
That's just generally for everyone but then you begin dating someone. Naturally when you date someone and they really like you they want to meet your child. Remember that you have the right to tell them " Down Bessie". Yes some people will have a problem this and think "so I'm not good enough to meet your child?". Well I'm trying to figure that out plus I need to know if you are going to be around, what's your objective? People have crazy objectives out here. You would be completely surprised at some of the things that some women say to me daily. Like it's nuts. I never want to be someone who is always bringing and taking women out of my daughters life so if you meet her while we are dating you'd better buckle up.
Then there's dating people with other a child themselves. This one is tricky. Maybe they allow things around their kid that you don't. It's okay to tell them don't be afraid whether you think they'll judge you or you have to end things right there. You have to do what YOU feel is best for YOUR child. They'll try to hit you with everything, "So you think I am a bad parent?" is one of the one's I heard. That can come from someone you're dating or just a friend with a child. It's not that, it's I worked hard to keep x, y and z out of my child's life and I'm not just changing that because I like you. If you think it's worth pursing after maybe a few things don't match up then please go for it and maybe things will work out along the way. However don't be afraid to end things.
To the folks out there dating someone with a child here's my advice, don't pressure someone into letting you meet their child. It's not your decision and most times there's another parent that may be considered. It's not supposed to happen at your pace. Be patient or keep it moving, when the parent is ready then it will happen. Until then, enjoy the person that you are dating.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Monday, August 10, 2015
Readers Choice: Which was more difficult the PWI or the HBCU?
PWI vs HBCU. When I left Mount St Mary's I transferred to Bowie State and a popular question I always received was, "Which school is harder, the white one or the black one?". In a nutshell the PWI was more challenging and not for the reasons you may be thinking. I even asked other students who made the same transition and generally everyone agreed.
When I enrolled in Mount St Mary's University it was strictly for basketball, I never really considered the education. My first class was a statistic filled class with mostly freshmen and a little of everything else. We had an assignment the first day and let me tell you that I did not know anything at all. Not one thing. I stood up and left, class dropped, I had to pick that one up another day. This literally happened in every class, I did not know what was going on. My professors said I should have learned this in high school and I really didn't. That's where i think the difference is in the difficulty. White kids generally come to college better prepared. They learned most of this stuff in high school. Most black schools are behind academically. So when they're letting people in the have to be a little more lenient. They know we didn't learn as much so they are trying to help us and believe it or not most black students coming out of high school need that. It's not that we aren't as smart or are slower learners but you simply do not know what has not been taught to you.
I usually get criticism when I make this claim but a simple quick google search and look at statistics will show that test scores from schools that aren't predominantly white have much lower test scores. I also want to point out that sometimes some teachers can be too lenient at black schools. Here are a couple of examples.
My English courses weren't transferred when I got to Bowie so i tried a little protest by not taking the English 101 class they required me to take as A TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD MAN, if I didn't know college English by that point you shouldn't have let me in the school but let me not go back to that bad place. I willingly took a failing grade in that class and still got a 3.0 without buying any books. I made the deans list without studying outside of class.
You had some teachers at the PWI who would help you out but not enough to get you on the deans list. You had enough to maybe get you to a 2.0. My first GPA in college was a 1.8 and i promise you that I studied harder than I ever did in my life and the best I had ever did there was a 2.3 that I worked terribly hard for. The fact of the matter I wasn't prepared to be a college student at that point, over time I had people put around me that could show me the ropes and for me that's what it comes down to.
Statiscally speaking a PWI is full of college ready kids and an HBCU usually has all mostly black students, with the exception of a few and statistically speaking that means a college full of students who aren't ready for college so which one do you think would be "easier".
When I enrolled in Mount St Mary's University it was strictly for basketball, I never really considered the education. My first class was a statistic filled class with mostly freshmen and a little of everything else. We had an assignment the first day and let me tell you that I did not know anything at all. Not one thing. I stood up and left, class dropped, I had to pick that one up another day. This literally happened in every class, I did not know what was going on. My professors said I should have learned this in high school and I really didn't. That's where i think the difference is in the difficulty. White kids generally come to college better prepared. They learned most of this stuff in high school. Most black schools are behind academically. So when they're letting people in the have to be a little more lenient. They know we didn't learn as much so they are trying to help us and believe it or not most black students coming out of high school need that. It's not that we aren't as smart or are slower learners but you simply do not know what has not been taught to you.
I usually get criticism when I make this claim but a simple quick google search and look at statistics will show that test scores from schools that aren't predominantly white have much lower test scores. I also want to point out that sometimes some teachers can be too lenient at black schools. Here are a couple of examples.
My English courses weren't transferred when I got to Bowie so i tried a little protest by not taking the English 101 class they required me to take as A TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD MAN, if I didn't know college English by that point you shouldn't have let me in the school but let me not go back to that bad place. I willingly took a failing grade in that class and still got a 3.0 without buying any books. I made the deans list without studying outside of class.
You had some teachers at the PWI who would help you out but not enough to get you on the deans list. You had enough to maybe get you to a 2.0. My first GPA in college was a 1.8 and i promise you that I studied harder than I ever did in my life and the best I had ever did there was a 2.3 that I worked terribly hard for. The fact of the matter I wasn't prepared to be a college student at that point, over time I had people put around me that could show me the ropes and for me that's what it comes down to.
Statiscally speaking a PWI is full of college ready kids and an HBCU usually has all mostly black students, with the exception of a few and statistically speaking that means a college full of students who aren't ready for college so which one do you think would be "easier".
Monday, July 27, 2015
Letting Off Steam
I get it now. GOD do I get it. Waiting for sex until marriage has nothing to do with control, it's protection. From what? Diseases, soul ties and the most dangerous of them all CHILDREN! Ohhhhh my God. These past few months with my daughter has been very trying. I've realized it before but it's more evident than ever now that man isn't made to do this alone. You, me, every sane person needs that constant help from a spouse to lighten the load. Every little thing takes a toll. Waking up early to get breakfast ready, the extra ironing, drop offs and pick ups, cooking dinner, bath time, the trying morning where your child doesn't want to get up, etc etc.
That's why God wants us to have that spouse. For that help and to be that help. I'm convinced. If any athletes are reading think of it like this. You have to run laps, suuicides, ladders, something and you can either run them alone or with the rest of your team. I'm 99.9 percent sure that most people will run with their team because it's just something about having someone around you with a common goal and to push you and most importantly pick you up when you fall. Sometimes you give something all you got and you just can't pick yourself back up. You need that same thing in parenting, it's hard to go to bed every night knowing that you have to get up that next day and do the same thing over again. Some of us have family to help but it'll never be the same as another parent sharing me the load with you.
This blog right now is my pick me up because that little girl that I love so much is currently driving me crazy and I needed to do something. Speaking of her, she just found me so I have to go. SO PLEASE EITHER DON'T DO IT OR WRAP IT UP AND HOPE THAT THING DOES NOT POP!
Monday, July 13, 2015
9 Reasons Movies Make Me Angry
As an avid moviegoer I obviously pay too much attention to movies.
1. Everybody speaks English
Have you ever noticed that, no matter where the movie is taking place, everyone in the movie can speak perfect English? Like come on, everybody doesn't know English bruh.
2. Condoms are barely used
He sees her, she sees him and boom it's about to go down. They begin kissing, clothes come off and then the "movie penetration". Movie penetration is always perfect, the guy never seems to miss and the woman always gasps for air. However, nobody ever goes for a condom. Shame on you Hollywood, you should be more responsible.
3. Husbands don't finish their breakfast
The kids are always eating cereal but the wife just cooked the bomb breakfast, bacon, eggs, potatoes and pancakes. I hope my wife throws down like that! Then here comes daddy. He sits down, reads one sentence of the paper, takes a sip of his coffee and then says he can't eat because he's running late. He'll probably grab a bagel though.
4. Groups fights turn into 1 on 1 on 1 on 1, etc etc fights
A good fighter is standing surrounded by a bunch of sub par fighters and the good fighter needs to be defeated for whatever reason. Movie logic says each one of the sub par fighters take turns fighting the very talented fighter. I know it makes sense to just collectively gang up on the one fighter but what kind of movie would that make?
5. Who cleans up after a superhero saves the world?
Woo-hoo we are all saved! Now who is accountable for the 1.3 billion dollars in damages that has taken place during the fight. Who knows? The movie usually ends before we need to find out.
6. People in zombie movies have never seen a zombie movie
For some reason you are a cop and an alleged criminal is approaching you (if you thought of a black man you are racist). Okay you tell him to stop, he doesn't. You tell him to stop or you'll shoot, he doesn't. You shoot a shot, he he jerks back but keeps walking. You unload the clip, still walking. The zombie movie actor will try to wonder why this is happening. On the other hand, everyone else who's actually watched a zombie movie would've shot him right in the head after that first shot because we won't take the chance.
1. Everybody speaks English
Have you ever noticed that, no matter where the movie is taking place, everyone in the movie can speak perfect English? Like come on, everybody doesn't know English bruh.
2. Condoms are barely used
He sees her, she sees him and boom it's about to go down. They begin kissing, clothes come off and then the "movie penetration". Movie penetration is always perfect, the guy never seems to miss and the woman always gasps for air. However, nobody ever goes for a condom. Shame on you Hollywood, you should be more responsible.
3. Husbands don't finish their breakfast
The kids are always eating cereal but the wife just cooked the bomb breakfast, bacon, eggs, potatoes and pancakes. I hope my wife throws down like that! Then here comes daddy. He sits down, reads one sentence of the paper, takes a sip of his coffee and then says he can't eat because he's running late. He'll probably grab a bagel though.
4. Groups fights turn into 1 on 1 on 1 on 1, etc etc fights
A good fighter is standing surrounded by a bunch of sub par fighters and the good fighter needs to be defeated for whatever reason. Movie logic says each one of the sub par fighters take turns fighting the very talented fighter. I know it makes sense to just collectively gang up on the one fighter but what kind of movie would that make?
5. Who cleans up after a superhero saves the world?
Woo-hoo we are all saved! Now who is accountable for the 1.3 billion dollars in damages that has taken place during the fight. Who knows? The movie usually ends before we need to find out.
6. People in zombie movies have never seen a zombie movie
For some reason you are a cop and an alleged criminal is approaching you (if you thought of a black man you are racist). Okay you tell him to stop, he doesn't. You tell him to stop or you'll shoot, he doesn't. You shoot a shot, he he jerks back but keeps walking. You unload the clip, still walking. The zombie movie actor will try to wonder why this is happening. On the other hand, everyone else who's actually watched a zombie movie would've shot him right in the head after that first shot because we won't take the chance.
7. You can't beat the movie bada**
You know that guy in the movie that everyone is afraid of but the "who is the guy" character? Yeah, don't fight him. Nobody ever beats him. The last person will come very close but will eventually lose. When he says "you really don't want to do this", agree with him and walk away.
8. People are knocked out very easily
You ever watch a movie where someone was trying to get to like a guarded room but they don't have any weapons? They proceed to punch their way through gun carrying guards, fortunately, one punch can knock them all out. I mean I get they may be strong but not one of those guys can get up and just shoot them?
9. Their probably still alive
If you didn't shoot or stab them in the head five times in the movie then they are probably still alive and will come back to kill you sooner but probably later.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
5 Times Men were PROBABLY Lying
Disclaimer, this isn't always true ladies so don't be calling your man a liar. This is not absolute. Saying all men are liars is kind of like saying some of ya'll black won't crack and we know that's not true now is it? No but we let all black women claim they will look young forever. Give us the same delusional courtesy will you.
To follow up on the last post, I want to tell you ladies tell tell signs that we are probably full of it. This means if it's on this list fellas, don't do it because I just ruined it for you.
1. What I gotta lie for?
I mean I'm not going to sit here and tell you the many reasons I have to lie because the possibilities are endless but I will give you one for the road. My health, I'm not risking my face to the five fingers of death for the truth, nah, that's stupid.
2. On (insert someone important here) I'm telling the truth.
Yes, anybody is sacrificial in a situation in which I need you to believe me. There are no limits to who's name can be inserted there, it's a case to case thing. Lies may vary.
3. It's not even like that...
It's most certainly like that.
4. Aight.
This one is tricky. It's not so much a lie. It's more like dang, I'm caught but I won't own up to it. But women call that lying for some reason which is crazy because that's just like pleading the fifth which can be done in court. Basically women don't respect the law enough to just let things go.
5. "Huh"
Man o man. This is the Mount Everest of lies. You ask us a question, face to face, you know good and well we heard you. The 0.63 seconds it takes us to say "huh" is enough time for our brain to unfold a story that ranges anywhere from the 24-72 hours prior. It's still unknown where we get these instant stories but one Dr, Fullofit believes it may come from the butt.
Now fellas I gave it away, I know. However you will all be better liars because of this.
To follow up on the last post, I want to tell you ladies tell tell signs that we are probably full of it. This means if it's on this list fellas, don't do it because I just ruined it for you.
1. What I gotta lie for?
I mean I'm not going to sit here and tell you the many reasons I have to lie because the possibilities are endless but I will give you one for the road. My health, I'm not risking my face to the five fingers of death for the truth, nah, that's stupid.
2. On (insert someone important here) I'm telling the truth.
Yes, anybody is sacrificial in a situation in which I need you to believe me. There are no limits to who's name can be inserted there, it's a case to case thing. Lies may vary.
3. It's not even like that...
It's most certainly like that.
4. Aight.
This one is tricky. It's not so much a lie. It's more like dang, I'm caught but I won't own up to it. But women call that lying for some reason which is crazy because that's just like pleading the fifth which can be done in court. Basically women don't respect the law enough to just let things go.
5. "Huh"
Man o man. This is the Mount Everest of lies. You ask us a question, face to face, you know good and well we heard you. The 0.63 seconds it takes us to say "huh" is enough time for our brain to unfold a story that ranges anywhere from the 24-72 hours prior. It's still unknown where we get these instant stories but one Dr, Fullofit believes it may come from the butt.
Now fellas I gave it away, I know. However you will all be better liars because of this.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
7 Times It Is Okay To Lie To Your Woman.
1. Are you mad at me?
Just don't bruh. Even if you are 100% justified in your feelings, you shall lose this battle. Even if she's wrong, somehow it'll be flipped and she will become angry with you and you'll be left to have to deal with that. I mean yeah if you are angry you should tell your lady but do so at your own discretion.
2. I changed my hair, do you like it?
This is a tricky one, if she doesn't like it then you can not like it too. Make sure you don't dislike it too much because she probably will have to keep it for awhile. However! If she loves it then brother you love it too. She a dime with that haircut that you secretly hate. If somebody else decides to comment how the hair may not do her justice you shoot that thought down instantly and you have to oversell it. "That hair don't look good on who?! Swear to God! My baby looking like a movie star." I don't condone putting your lies on God though but most of ya'll do it everyday anyhow.
3. How does my butt look?
Uhhhhhh it's looking like two swamp possums with the mumps baby. If she's asking then she's probably thinking her booty is popping so it's up to you to validate that feeling that she has. Sexy is mostly attitude so help her out. Even if her cakes are insufficient make her feel like her booty is the best one you've ever seen.
4. Do you still have feelings for ____?
Odds are you are feeling someone else on some level. I shouldn't have to tell you that the answer to this one is always no but I will. The answer to this one is ALWAYS NO. You have to make an executive decision for your woman here and know what's best for her but more importantly, what's best for you. She could be asking out of pure curiosity but if you truthfully answer this question you will receive nothing but rage.
5. (Eating another woman's food) Is it better than mine?
Most woman will deny that they care for real and this may be true but we also know if we give that same woman to be petty and sarcastic then she's going to take it. Woman's play anger turns into real anger really fast so be smart. If you say yes I will give you the likely petty/sarcastic response:
Her: Is that steak better than my steak?
Him: Baby, I'm not even going to lie to you, (where he messed up) this may be the best (bad choice of words) steak I've ever had.
Her: Oh, well maybe you should just wife the b**** then so she can cook you the best steak every day of the rest of your life. Ya'll can have kids and she make the best meals for them too. I hope it was good because I ain't never making steak for you again you ungrateful a** n****.
See why you need to lie in that situation? This will also turn everybody who calls/texts you "one of your little hoes".
6. Why didn't you text me back/answer my call?
She's going to get mad at any answer you give, I'll get back to you.
7. This is the most important of them all so you boys pay attention. "AM I THE BEST YOU EVER HAD?"
Let me make this opening statement just in case my momma decides to read this. NO RINGY NO DINGY. Okay, obviously I have a daughter so I slipped on water and fell on time but I'm better these days, so, moving on. I know some idiots who have answered this question truthfully, it didn't turn out well for any of them. The slickest of talkers can't slither their way out of this one. If you have the cahoonas to tell your girl that she isn't the better than an ex I respect you and will contact you when and if it is time to go to war or in the case of a zombie apocalypse. This is as dangerous as replying "you go clean it" to your mother when she asks you to do the dishes after she just got home from working a double at work, recently divorced and her hair appointment was canceled the next day.
BONUS because I said something about Zombies. If your a zombie fan you will understand.
Okay so you guys are watching "Walking Dead" at 9pm ET (I didn't get paid for that ad) and she turns to you and say "babe, if I turned into a zombie would you shoot me?" Okay, if she asks this question she's not a Zombie fan and probably needs to be dumped anyway. For some reason, in her mind, she thinks that if you won't kill her in zombie form than ya'll really are in love but if she would actually shut up and watch the show she realizes how stupid that would be. But if she does die and becomes a zombie, keep the kill sexy, like as you cry as she is turning and trying to eat your face, you slowly take a knife and gently slide it in the back of her head as you pull her hair back on last time so she won't bite you and as you do so make sure you dramatically look away. I've had some crazy exes.
3. How does my butt look?
Uhhhhhh it's looking like two swamp possums with the mumps baby. If she's asking then she's probably thinking her booty is popping so it's up to you to validate that feeling that she has. Sexy is mostly attitude so help her out. Even if her cakes are insufficient make her feel like her booty is the best one you've ever seen.
4. Do you still have feelings for ____?
Odds are you are feeling someone else on some level. I shouldn't have to tell you that the answer to this one is always no but I will. The answer to this one is ALWAYS NO. You have to make an executive decision for your woman here and know what's best for her but more importantly, what's best for you. She could be asking out of pure curiosity but if you truthfully answer this question you will receive nothing but rage.
5. (Eating another woman's food) Is it better than mine?
Most woman will deny that they care for real and this may be true but we also know if we give that same woman to be petty and sarcastic then she's going to take it. Woman's play anger turns into real anger really fast so be smart. If you say yes I will give you the likely petty/sarcastic response:
Her: Is that steak better than my steak?
Him: Baby, I'm not even going to lie to you, (where he messed up) this may be the best (bad choice of words) steak I've ever had.
Her: Oh, well maybe you should just wife the b**** then so she can cook you the best steak every day of the rest of your life. Ya'll can have kids and she make the best meals for them too. I hope it was good because I ain't never making steak for you again you ungrateful a** n****.
See why you need to lie in that situation? This will also turn everybody who calls/texts you "one of your little hoes".
6. Why didn't you text me back/answer my call?
She's going to get mad at any answer you give, I'll get back to you.
7. This is the most important of them all so you boys pay attention. "AM I THE BEST YOU EVER HAD?"
Let me make this opening statement just in case my momma decides to read this. NO RINGY NO DINGY. Okay, obviously I have a daughter so I slipped on water and fell on time but I'm better these days, so, moving on. I know some idiots who have answered this question truthfully, it didn't turn out well for any of them. The slickest of talkers can't slither their way out of this one. If you have the cahoonas to tell your girl that she isn't the better than an ex I respect you and will contact you when and if it is time to go to war or in the case of a zombie apocalypse. This is as dangerous as replying "you go clean it" to your mother when she asks you to do the dishes after she just got home from working a double at work, recently divorced and her hair appointment was canceled the next day.
BONUS because I said something about Zombies. If your a zombie fan you will understand.
Okay so you guys are watching "Walking Dead" at 9pm ET (I didn't get paid for that ad) and she turns to you and say "babe, if I turned into a zombie would you shoot me?" Okay, if she asks this question she's not a Zombie fan and probably needs to be dumped anyway. For some reason, in her mind, she thinks that if you won't kill her in zombie form than ya'll really are in love but if she would actually shut up and watch the show she realizes how stupid that would be. But if she does die and becomes a zombie, keep the kill sexy, like as you cry as she is turning and trying to eat your face, you slowly take a knife and gently slide it in the back of her head as you pull her hair back on last time so she won't bite you and as you do so make sure you dramatically look away. I've had some crazy exes.
Monday, June 15, 2015
Inexpensive Date #7
Some people have a dollar and a dream. Last week I just had a dream, I wish I had a dollar. Unfortunately your lady would still like to go out despite your pockets. Luckily when you're pockets are on E your creativity begins to seep out.
Last week my goal was to not spend any money and I didn't, boom money in the savings. Look fellas, anybody can spend money to make things happen, it takes a real creative (broke) genius, like myself to think of something that doesn't require spending money.
So this what a brother did. I called lil mama up and was like, "aye we going somewhere tonight, be ready at 7". She wasn't ready til 8. That's how you start, make it a random surprise.
Then I grabbed my materials for the night, a blanket. We then proceeded to Capitol Riverfront where the nice white people play free movies outdoors. That's right, free, every single Thursday. They have free movies all throughout the week around the area, take advantage.
It was a pleasant experience, beautiful night and they played a great movie, Selma.
It's okay and great to spend money on your lady but it's also great to show her the little fun things that she may have never done before and that doesn't cost much money. 😊 Until next time.
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