9 Reasons Movies Make Me Angry

As an avid moviegoer I obviously pay too much attention to movies.

1. Everybody speaks English

Have you ever noticed that, no matter where the movie is taking place, everyone in the movie can speak perfect English? Like come on, everybody doesn't know English bruh.

2. Condoms are barely used

He sees her, she sees him and boom it's about to go down. They begin kissing, clothes come off and then the "movie penetration". Movie penetration is always perfect, the guy never seems to miss and the woman always gasps for air. However, nobody ever goes for a condom. Shame on you Hollywood, you should be more responsible.

3. Husbands don't finish their breakfast

The kids are always eating cereal but the wife just cooked the bomb breakfast, bacon, eggs, potatoes and pancakes. I hope my wife throws down like that! Then here comes daddy. He sits down, reads one sentence of the paper, takes a sip of his coffee and then says he can't eat because he's running late. He'll probably grab a bagel though.

4. Groups fights turn into 1 on 1 on 1 on 1, etc etc fights

A good fighter is standing surrounded by a bunch of sub par fighters and the good fighter needs to be defeated for whatever reason. Movie logic says each one of the sub par fighters take turns fighting the very talented fighter. I know it makes sense to just collectively gang up on the one fighter but what kind of movie would that make?

5. Who cleans up after a superhero saves the world?

Woo-hoo we are all saved! Now who is accountable for the 1.3 billion dollars in damages that has taken place during the fight. Who knows? The movie usually ends before we need to find out.

6. People in zombie movies have never seen a zombie movie

For some reason you are a cop and an alleged criminal is approaching you (if you thought of a black man you are racist). Okay you tell him to stop, he doesn't. You tell him to stop or you'll shoot, he doesn't. You shoot a shot,  he he jerks  back but keeps walking. You unload the clip, still walking. The zombie movie actor will try to wonder why this is happening. On the other hand, everyone else who's actually watched a zombie movie would've shot him right in the head after that first shot because we won't take the chance. 

7. You can't beat the movie bada**

You know that guy in the movie that everyone is afraid of but the "who is the guy" character? Yeah, don't fight him. Nobody ever beats him. The last person will come very close but will eventually lose. When he says "you really don't want to do this", agree with him and walk away. 

8. People are knocked out very easily

You ever watch a movie where someone was trying to get to like a guarded room but they don't have any weapons? They proceed to punch their way through gun carrying guards, fortunately, one punch can knock them all out. I mean I get they may be strong but not one of those guys can get up and just shoot them? 

9. Their probably still alive 

If you didn't shoot or stab them in the head five times in the movie then they are probably still alive and will come back to kill you sooner but probably later.