2. I changed my hair, do you like it?
This is a tricky one, if she doesn't like it then you can not like it too. Make sure you don't dislike it too much because she probably will have to keep it for awhile. However! If she loves it then brother you love it too. She a dime with that haircut that you secretly hate. If somebody else decides to comment how the hair may not do her justice you shoot that thought down instantly and you have to oversell it. "That hair don't look good on who?! Swear to God! My baby looking like a movie star." I don't condone putting your lies on God though but most of ya'll do it everyday anyhow.
3. How does my butt look?
Uhhhhhh it's looking like two swamp possums with the mumps baby. If she's asking then she's probably thinking her booty is popping so it's up to you to validate that feeling that she has. Sexy is mostly attitude so help her out. Even if her cakes are insufficient make her feel like her booty is the best one you've ever seen.
4. Do you still have feelings for ____?
Odds are you are feeling someone else on some level. I shouldn't have to tell you that the answer to this one is always no but I will. The answer to this one is ALWAYS NO. You have to make an executive decision for your woman here and know what's best for her but more importantly, what's best for you. She could be asking out of pure curiosity but if you truthfully answer this question you will receive nothing but rage.
5. (Eating another woman's food) Is it better than mine?
Most woman will deny that they care for real and this may be true but we also know if we give that same woman to be petty and sarcastic then she's going to take it. Woman's play anger turns into real anger really fast so be smart. If you say yes I will give you the likely petty/sarcastic response:
Her: Is that steak better than my steak?
Him: Baby, I'm not even going to lie to you, (where he messed up) this may be the best (bad choice of words) steak I've ever had.
Her: Oh, well maybe you should just wife the b**** then so she can cook you the best steak every day of the rest of your life. Ya'll can have kids and she make the best meals for them too. I hope it was good because I ain't never making steak for you again you ungrateful a** n****.
See why you need to lie in that situation? This will also turn everybody who calls/texts you "one of your little hoes".
6. Why didn't you text me back/answer my call?
She's going to get mad at any answer you give, I'll get back to you.
7. This is the most important of them all so you boys pay attention. "AM I THE BEST YOU EVER HAD?"
Let me make this opening statement just in case my momma decides to read this. NO RINGY NO DINGY. Okay, obviously I have a daughter so I slipped on water and fell on time but I'm better these days, so, moving on. I know some idiots who have answered this question truthfully, it didn't turn out well for any of them. The slickest of talkers can't slither their way out of this one. If you have the cahoonas to tell your girl that she isn't the better than an ex I respect you and will contact you when and if it is time to go to war or in the case of a zombie apocalypse. This is as dangerous as replying "you go clean it" to your mother when she asks you to do the dishes after she just got home from working a double at work, recently divorced and her hair appointment was canceled the next day.
BONUS because I said something about Zombies. If your a zombie fan you will understand.
Okay so you guys are watching "Walking Dead" at 9pm ET (I didn't get paid for that ad) and she turns to you and say "babe, if I turned into a zombie would you shoot me?" Okay, if she asks this question she's not a Zombie fan and probably needs to be dumped anyway. For some reason, in her mind, she thinks that if you won't kill her in zombie form than ya'll really are in love but if she would actually shut up and watch the show she realizes how stupid that would be. But if she does die and becomes a zombie, keep the kill sexy, like as you cry as she is turning and trying to eat your face, you slowly take a knife and gently slide it in the back of her head as you pull her hair back on last time so she won't bite you and as you do so make sure you dramatically look away. I've had some crazy exes.
3. How does my butt look?
Uhhhhhh it's looking like two swamp possums with the mumps baby. If she's asking then she's probably thinking her booty is popping so it's up to you to validate that feeling that she has. Sexy is mostly attitude so help her out. Even if her cakes are insufficient make her feel like her booty is the best one you've ever seen.
4. Do you still have feelings for ____?
Odds are you are feeling someone else on some level. I shouldn't have to tell you that the answer to this one is always no but I will. The answer to this one is ALWAYS NO. You have to make an executive decision for your woman here and know what's best for her but more importantly, what's best for you. She could be asking out of pure curiosity but if you truthfully answer this question you will receive nothing but rage.
5. (Eating another woman's food) Is it better than mine?
Most woman will deny that they care for real and this may be true but we also know if we give that same woman to be petty and sarcastic then she's going to take it. Woman's play anger turns into real anger really fast so be smart. If you say yes I will give you the likely petty/sarcastic response:
Her: Is that steak better than my steak?
Him: Baby, I'm not even going to lie to you, (where he messed up) this may be the best (bad choice of words) steak I've ever had.
Her: Oh, well maybe you should just wife the b**** then so she can cook you the best steak every day of the rest of your life. Ya'll can have kids and she make the best meals for them too. I hope it was good because I ain't never making steak for you again you ungrateful a** n****.
See why you need to lie in that situation? This will also turn everybody who calls/texts you "one of your little hoes".
6. Why didn't you text me back/answer my call?
She's going to get mad at any answer you give, I'll get back to you.
7. This is the most important of them all so you boys pay attention. "AM I THE BEST YOU EVER HAD?"
Let me make this opening statement just in case my momma decides to read this. NO RINGY NO DINGY. Okay, obviously I have a daughter so I slipped on water and fell on time but I'm better these days, so, moving on. I know some idiots who have answered this question truthfully, it didn't turn out well for any of them. The slickest of talkers can't slither their way out of this one. If you have the cahoonas to tell your girl that she isn't the better than an ex I respect you and will contact you when and if it is time to go to war or in the case of a zombie apocalypse. This is as dangerous as replying "you go clean it" to your mother when she asks you to do the dishes after she just got home from working a double at work, recently divorced and her hair appointment was canceled the next day.
BONUS because I said something about Zombies. If your a zombie fan you will understand.
Okay so you guys are watching "Walking Dead" at 9pm ET (I didn't get paid for that ad) and she turns to you and say "babe, if I turned into a zombie would you shoot me?" Okay, if she asks this question she's not a Zombie fan and probably needs to be dumped anyway. For some reason, in her mind, she thinks that if you won't kill her in zombie form than ya'll really are in love but if she would actually shut up and watch the show she realizes how stupid that would be. But if she does die and becomes a zombie, keep the kill sexy, like as you cry as she is turning and trying to eat your face, you slowly take a knife and gently slide it in the back of her head as you pull her hair back on last time so she won't bite you and as you do so make sure you dramatically look away. I've had some crazy exes.
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